109.

Thats how many days i’ve been procreating. Wow. Thats still 171 days to go. Which still feels like a lot. But if 109 days have gone by so fast than 171 will be the blink of an eye.

There hasn’t been much down time as of lately. Building cabinets, writing bullshit stupid pointless papers about things i learned nothing of *cough* history of architecture *cough* If a teacher who had any experience in the subject taught and taught it properly maybe i couldve learned something or actually wanted to learn something.  Catching up on writing, Making a presentation of my work and source images.

All of which has been causing or creating heart palpitations. or something. I’ve been feeling a weird flutter.  But after some googling it’s apparently not unusual at all. I just blame the presentation. Its easier to get out of that way. So someone can finally understand the uncomfortable panic it brings. Silent panic that keeps me up at night stealing away the precious sleep i do get now between being slept on my fatty mcfatfat and having to pee and a zillion other things. I am extremely fortunate otherwise to be so “symptom” free so far. The first couple weeks were rough, fatigue and gagging. Sometimes i catch myself now, completely forgetting there is a bun in my oven. When i bend over i feel it thought, a weird knot almost. Still no flutters yet. Maybe one, but it’s probably just gas. Which you know is the awesome. Farting all the time. YEP! AWESOME! but wait i always did that before only these have more of an OOMPF to them.

 

 

Conversation of genius.

I recently called someone about an apartment for rent. An elderly gentlemen picked up the phone and said yes the apartment was still for rent.

I then asked a few questions and he answered most of them, until i got to the part about pets.

me- “so are cats allowed”

him-”i dont know what that is”

me- ” a caaaaaat, you know a feline, four paws and a tail”

him- “yeah i still dont know what that is”

me- “C as in camel, A as in apple, T as in Tree”

him- “Is that some kind of section 8 low income housing thing?”

me- uh no, it’s a PET like a doooog only not, it’s a CAT, oh nevermind”

The long and the short of it.

The short. People suck.

The long. People are selfish immature jerks.

Explanation- I’m alone, utterly and completely alone. Which whatever 80% of the time i’ve come to terms with that, but i am tired of dealing with jerks the other 20% of the time. The ones i need to interact with. Namely my mother, and the we will just call him papa bear. After looking at the apartment today it’s gonna be har to live anywhere else. That place was amazing. Come to realize. I cannot afford it. Fuck my life. Perfect size, enough room for a studio, two bedrooms. GREAT location.  Le Sigh.  Pipe dreams.

I ran out of steam for this post.

I will finish it later.

Searching for Apartments

So I have been searching for an apartment for the past oh two weeks now. It’s not the first time i have ever searched for an apartment and it definitely will not be the last. That being said my eyes are burning from all the reading I’ve done about the information that people don’t include in their ads. Yes it’s nice your apartment for rent is sunny and “spacious” But that doesn’t tell me jack shit about how many rooms there are, a real kitchen or a tiny ass stove with an even smaller area of counter space. So if anyone has an apartment for rent under 800$ in the west end of Portland, Maine please tell me ASAP

Rule of thumb for people writing the ads:

-Tell me where the apartment is, Especially what part of town, and KNOW what part of town it is in, Don’t lie i’ll look it up on google maps.

-Tell me whats included in the rent, heat? hot water? anything you cheap bastards?

-Pets? Allowed or not? BE SPECIFIC, Don’t have exorbinate pet deposits either, i saw one for 300$, for a 9 month lease. Now unless i am training my cats to be ninjas or chefs there is no need whatsoever for that big of a deposit. Ridiculous.

-Don’t list a studio as a one bedroom, if the rooms are not seperate than it’s a studio. and DONT charge nearly 700$ for it either. If i am going to live in a postage stamp sized hell hole i refuse to pay that much.

 

i’ve already failed.

At this write every day thing. I guess i shouldn’t vow to do anything. Something about not having internet at your apartment will do that, and if i wasn’t so tired to walk home to go to bed. which you know is evil.  Someone should just drive me home. Which you know wooont happen. I’m too busy growing something (see below) to blog. Hah what a lame excuse. I’ll blog extra extra tomorrow, pinky promise.

Uh I am making a person.

Baby Bear 12w1d

I am looking to move by the first of the month, to a nicer neighborhood mostly. I am really sad to have to part with my tall people countertops…oh boy the AMAZING amount of countertop space i have that is all mine. It’s a really hard thing to give up. And the cabinet space. The real looking kitchen as opposed to all the ones i’ve looked at that are frankenstein cabinets with a freakishly placed useless cabinet on a weird wall and tiny tiny postage stamp of a counter top. It honestly makes me want to cry. The ghost of Elvis also dispaproves.

Take your vitamins Mizz Dirty Hooker.

Uncertainty.

well it’s the first day of November and i am going to try and do that write every day of the month thing.  But it’s just one of those days where you want to stare off into space and contemplate how a piece of apple pie warmed in the oven will magically appear next to you. With vanilla ice cream of course. Today’s highlight though was when all my aunts came to see me. We went out to brunch at Caiola’s. Despite what they were really there for it was nice to see them. My family rocks. I had veggie eggs Benedict, but OF COURSE they never put enough hollindase sauce on. Despite this snafu, which you know the alloted amount of sauce is really not a pick deal I’m just greedy. The toast was amazing and the veggies very well cooked. The home fries were equally tasty. It seemed to be a really reasonable meal price wise, and no body complained, which knowing my family that says something! Everyone should go and check it out.

 

I think i pissed off my mail man or lady. They kept putting stuff i didn’t want in my mail box and i kept putting it back in the out bin. They obviously couldn’t  get the hint and it was a full on war with the postal service. I conceded when i crossed off my name on the pieces of mail, and they took my name off the mail box. Lesson learned do not fight with the mail people.

The vaccine

After reading blog after blog about people wavering over the swine flue vaccine, yes i called it swine flu back off. It’s increasing frustrating to see that people are getting the vaccine and that i know i obviously can’t change their minds nor am i going to attempt to. The best thing one can do is educate themselves on what they are putting into their bodies. What is the vaccine composed of, more so what is ANY vaccine made of. I have the general idea of whats in them, but not an educated one. I’m working on this.

A child’s liver is not fully developed till the age of two. And their immune systems are not fully developed until the age of 6.  The brain blood barrier is still weak and cannot protect the brain as it does later on in life. It does not fully form until the 6th week of life.  Here is a quote i found.

“The blood-brain barrier is not intact in infants until at least 6 weeks of life.  This is why a newborn with a fever must be subjected to a spinal tap to rule out menningitis.  Any virus or bacteria that a newborn is exposed to can go directly to the nervous system.  This is why the Hepatitis B vaccine at birth is so dangerous. Between 1991 and 1999, when the shot contained thimerisol, giving it at birth would have resulted in mercury crossing into the brain since the blood-brain barrier was not yet intact.  As a nurse, I’m concerned that this information about the normal timing of a blood-brain barrier forming is not more readily known.  I think this normal delay in the forming of a blood-brain barrier is an important piece of the puzzle and one of the reasons for the surge of autism in the 90’s.”—-Mary Barbera RN, MSN

and whats more disturbing is this quote.

“A single vaccine given to a six-pound newborn is the equivalent of giving a 180-pound adult 30 vaccinations on the same day.  Include in this the toxic effects of high levels of aluminum and formaldehyde contained in some vaccines, and the synergist toxicity could be increased to unknown levels.  Further, it is very well known that infants do not produce significant levels of bile or have adult renal capacity for several months after birth.  Bilary transport is the major biochemical route by which mercury is removed from the body, and infants cannot do this very well.  They also do not possess the renal (kidney) capacity to remove aluminum. Additionally, mercury is a well-known inhibitor of kidney function.”–Boyd Haley Ph.D.

This is why i am choosing to not vaccinate myself or my children.  I know if you read this and disagree you are saying well it saved more people than it killed, there is more and more research…scientific research coming saying that this is not true, a lot of adverse reactions go unreported and doctors are discouraged from documenting this.  In recent events with this so called “h1N1 pandemic” the drug companies have been given full immunity from the government. You cannot sue them if it kills a loved one. which we are a sue-happy country. People sue others for stubbing their toes and it’s become deplorable. But that’s for another day.

Another important factor is money, Vaccines make a profit, anything humans think they can do to PREVENT and keep away. We will do. We dread the unknown. It’s scary. All these big what if’s and questions we don’t have answers too.

-The CDC estimates that only 10% of serious adverse reactions to vaccines are actually reported. Other government agencies state the actual figure is less than 1% since many Physicians have been trained not to report them.

I will not be getting any vaccine, i’ve done a lot of reading and have decided not to get this and here is why!

-International studies show vaccines cause up to thousands of SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome) deaths annually, many more are never reported.

-Dr. Bart Classen’s epidemiological research found vaccines as the cause of 79% of insulin type I diabetes cases in children under 10. The sharp rise in numerous other diseases may also be linked with mass-immunizations. California’s autism rate skyrocketed 1000% in the last 20 years. In the 1990s, MMR vaccine usage in Britain (for measles, mumps and rubella) occurred at the same time autism rose sharply. The January 2000 Journal of Adverse Drug Reactions reported that no adequate testing was done, so the vaccine never should have been licensed.

Here is a list of things to prevent yourself from getting the flu it’s simple and straightforward and common sense. It doesnt include lathering yourself in disinfectant or antibacterial sprays, this only hinders your immune system weakening it. The body is a complex thing.

Protecting Yourself

There are simple steps to protect yourself from any flu. These include precautionary hygiene measures and immune boosters.

1. Wash your hands often. Most germs are spread from touching things that are infected then touching our eyes and mouths.
2. Sanitize your hands often with warm water and a healthy natural soap.
3. If you work in an office or school disinfect the desks, phones, seats, door knobs, and everything else that a lot of people touch.with a natural sanitizer (i.e. vinegar, lemon), as long as other workers don’t mind that is.
4. Stay out of crowded situations if possible such as malls, restaurants, subways, trains or any congested area during flu peaks.
5. Do not cough with your mouth open, use a Kleenex to cover your mouth when you cough then immediately wash your hands.
6. Use herbs like echinaea, olive leaf, elderberries, astragalus, ginseng
7. Use daily vitamins A,C and E (from reputable sources) and minerals such as zinc, selenium.<- This helps with antioxidants! important!
8. Use probiotics daily as well as glutamine, garlic, and the phytoalexin reservatrol.
9. Hydrate, get plenty of sleep, exercise and spend as much time outdoors as possible to optimize vitamin D levels from the sun.
10. Check out our aging and immunity page.

this is just disturbing… New delivery systems are also being developed that include nasal sprays, mosquitoes, and genetically engineered fruits containing vaccine viruses. With every country in the world a potential buyer, health and safety considerations are suppressed for the sake of profits. Unless somehow this madness is stopped, the harm to our children and society will be catastrophic.

http://preventdisease.com/news/09/080709_swine_flu_hype.shtml

In which I inform you

of a  surprise! With awesome news! I’m procreating. The bun is in the oven, my oven to be precise, located in the chateau de uterus, just south of other important body parts but north of my cooter. It’s a warm and well to be completely honest…moist space. While the vacancy sign was not posted, the new tenant so blatantly ignored it and walked or..however it moves into it’s room for the next however long it’s going to be gestating inside…of..holy shit.. ME. It’s so unreal and unbelievable. I feel incredibly lucky that this has happened as i read too many infertility blogs to begin with so i am reminded of how fortunate i am despite the circumstances. Yet, if this had not worked out i am tired of people thinking that they have an opinion over everyone uterus-es since theirs are not working the way they should be. Oh did i mention i’m hormonal? and crabby and overly opinionated?

It’s a complicated situation and being in my “last” year of college. I’m slowly and surely getting more excited at first it was a lot of guilt, and fear, mostly fear. Or maybe it’s anxiety I’m not sure. Either way i am already scanning craigslist (which i fondly call craigslust, since it’s easy to lust after things and wait around for emails from people to tell you it’s sold already) and planning and making a registry. But mostly it’s all about trying to keep my proverbial shit together, things are so shaky

The coolest part is that Lauren and I are due on the same day, first it was May 17 and now it’s May 20, arbitrary just a few days off but STILL. She is on the other side of the YOU-NIGHTED-STATES. Cosmic.

I’m going to post about H1N1 later tonight. be ready. It will be epic.

Desire

It was a dark and stormy night and yet so quiet you could hear a mouse fart. But this was no ordinary mouse. He was a bully. His obsession for cheese plagued his mind and Lucius could think about nothing more than that perfected shaped wedge of camembert or round of gouda. On this dark and stormy night he happened to be scurrying through the empty streets. He wondered where all the humans had gone but not really thinking into the situation too much and focused on the task ahead. Some gruyere was said to be sitting on the dinning room table of a unsuspecting victim, the only real problem was the fact that it was so far away. The dark of the night did not scare him, the storm was just a storm. What irked him was the path he had to travel. It was the one less traveled by. A dangerous route for something you are passionate about.  Lucius packed his backpack and scampered out into the night. The ground was cold under his paws, but his need for cheese strong.

Eat-ting.

WELL.

I failed my first day of eating raw. i decided a sammich would be much better, *AND OH EM GEE WHAT A MISTAKE!! i can already feel different. i had and have no digestive issues when i eat raw so what is stopping me from doing this all the time?! i need to find a way to make it filling so i dont feel like i am lacking.  eventually i figured this out and i definitely learned my lesson today. i would much rather FEEL better all the time.  than eat food that makes me happy for just a small amount of time. it will be tough, I’m done lying to myself, there’s no easy way around this. I’m not gonna complain anymore about being single and things not working out because I’m not changing myself to be better. I’m also tired of hearing about people who do nothing to change their habits and complain about it. They have the tools and resources and no commitment. I’m not going to push my ideals down people throats, but i’m not going to let other peoples opinions get the best of me.

i’ve had an apple, i’ve had a salad, i’ve had carrots, and for dinner i’ll eat raw

but lunch? don’t you dare take away lunch from me. also anyone have a juicer they want to let me borrow?

I’m also trying to figure out the next few months. I would like to go on an adventure, um and not go to school next semester but i know thats not a possibility and i have to be enrolled somewhere, anywhere thats accredited and be there part time.