Everyday i feel like i am frantically crawling my way up to the surface. Every day i tell myself to not be a wuss. To get out of bed, that it won’t be so bad, that i could maybe cheer myself up with a really good sammich. Which you know is my ultimate goal. If someone could create a never-empty-fridge i would die a happy lady. Every day i tell myself that it’s okay if i mess up, if i dont eat the best food, if i dont get everything done. I dont need to be on a quest for perfection, i need to just be okay with myself. It’s not saying there is no room for improvement, it’s why we are human.
Another thing i am tired of is defending myself. Especially towards people i really like. I’m tired of being nit picked, i am not perfect i don’t claim to be not even in the least bit but i accept your flaws, and maybe just maybe you could give me a damn break.
Yesterday i got hurt, my hip aches, and my cuts are stinging. My wrists are aching and more than anything my ego is bruised. then i shut my foot in Kelly’s car door…stupid door.
Now i am going to head home and pout and eat leftovers from dinner yesterday that i made. i’m very excited about it. since i havent eatten yet.
then i am going to make a peach crisp. and drink me some PBR. its going to be a salvageable night.
I will survive like i always do, another day. no dollar.
I’m all beat up.
that is all.
Today is one of those days where i feel like the world is going about its business and i am not part of it. Cars driving by on their way to this place and that, people walking with purpose. And here i am wandering around..with nothing to do, I’m tired of this. I like being included in life and having things to do and places to be. Having people come up to me and bring me out of my shell. I look forward to December. I need something to look forward to. Also I’m kind of excited to refinish a medicine chest in my mom’s garage from our old house on Hamilton street. It will make or break my idea for my thesis which would be based loosely on “restoration” which is less restoring actual pieces which i will do but more trying to restore myself and my sense of being and where i belong in the world. I want to restore myself. School starts Monday and i look forward to a break from the monotony. On days where i would rather be here….
Or sleep in awkward uncomfortable places to escape.
But instead. I watch people zoom by as my slow paced life seems endless and the road really long.
I should keep reminding myself that life is an adventure and that not every day can be amazing. That the low days are there to make the really special days worth while.
So i know these pretty cool people out in the…uh yeah middle of fucking no where. It’s so top secret i can’t tell you but no one knows where Colorado is anyways. Most of their time is spent being kept in Area 41, not to be confused with area 51.
Area 41 is dedicated to those who can hold their PBR cans with pride.
Because to be honest not many people can. It takes a real love for beer.
I look forward to spending time with these people in December.
The pasty ass white boy and the good looking girly who both have astronomical pairs of shoes, it makes my feet weep in jealousy. I spend more money on kitchen appliances and other weird things though so i think it would even out eventually? I still don’t have the kitchen aid stand mixer. Ahem.
In case you dont know what the great state of Colorado looks like see below.
Crazy people live here...it's the lack of ocean
But we know there is no fooling anyone and the best state of all…
Is obviously Maine. where you can buy hard alcohol in super markets and you can’t do fuck all on a sunday except shoot bears and moose. Since everyone lives in the boonies here and it takes 45 mins to get to the grocery store. We are efficient here and just keep everything in one place. Butt-fuck Walmart though, I wish we were more like Vermont in that respect. I won’t open that can of worms today. It’s a whole nother post.
A look inside Henry.
I’m struggling for something interesting to write about. I guess i should start with my unrequited love affair for beer and move on to less pleasant topics. or maybe i should start with the horrible things like ripping off a band aid and then move onto to beer. oh and PS Henry is my fridge. Oh and this post is also about Pasty Boy’s face.
I’ll start with the Neighbors. There are no words in the vast english language to describe these…lovely people. Starting at 8 am they let their young children, infant to toddler range. The infants sit in their strollers and watch their parents chain smoke and ignore their older children. The “grown ups” are so obsessed with flirting with each other that they don’t notice when one of the toddlers runs off and you hear them yelling for the kid, and than at the kid oh and than at each other…All…day…long.
So where i live the parking lot is old and rutted and crappy, kids should not be playing on it. There is a park ACROSS the street. i kid you not a stones throw away…a stone thrown by me none the less and i can’t throw for shit. Green lush amazing grass and a BRAND NEW playground further back. There is nothing for these kids to play with in this driveway, they are too busy being yelled at to be taught anything useful and the “parents” wonder why their child is misbehaving. I can easily tell you…it’s because you are ignoring your damn kid. They are mirroring you, they learn from you that the only way things get done is by yelling, so now they just yell right back.
I’m not saying i will ever be the perfect parent, i know i will slip up, but i have worked with enough kids to know when to take a break when i’m frustrated, to time my day so my kid will not be in my hair and occupying themselves with an old chain, sticks or garbage. It’s really annoying when people think that i have no idea what i am talking about since i do not have a child myself and have not really experienced child rearing. Um no sorry i may not have a kid but i sure as fuck know what i am talking about. I didn’t work at a few day cares and be a nanny to learn nothing.
Some how this just turned into me trying to defend myself, and thats the signal to move onto beer. Am i a bad person for labeling and judging someone by the beer they drink? Nah. I hold those PBR drinkers in high esteem and the coors light fans as people in denial about alcohol. They say hey i want to be cool and drink with you all but i am too cheap to buy the real stuff so i just pretend by drinking coors light. I’m kind of lost as what else to say. it’s a moot point.
To be Continued.
Posted in Food, General Rants
Tagged beer, child neglect, child rearing, frustration, Magic Hat, money, neighbors, PBR, structure, teaching
I haul my ass out of bed in the morning, i find clean clothes, i forage in the fridge for something more than just condiments and crackers because hey you know that’s all that’s in my fridge these days, Whatever. Then i hop on my hog and do the daily 11 to 13 miles and get bored after or tired of seeing the same people three times in a row that i would really liked to have avoided in the first place. or the cars that zoom by be as i laugh because hey you are are just going to have to brake at that stop light in about ten feet. HAH.
I made a decision that after i run out of any dairy or soy in my house i will no longer be buying anymore. Coconut milk or water. Which common people both are so easy to make…duh. Well seeing as waters already made…yeah.
I look forward to August 31, i will be back with my people of the woods, crammed into a small bench space with people on either side of me invading my territory. Which when they are not there i slowly and surely regain my space. Inconspicously.
Lately i want crab rangoon. i know that when i finally have said rangoonies they will be a complete and utter let down. It’s like not eatting fast food for a long time and then imagining this juicy awesome tasty amazing booger. The pictures on tv and in ads don’t do them justice. SRSLY. So you pull up to the fast food window in anticipation of this foodligious creation. Only to cry after. It will never be the same.
Did i mention i made a canoe? Like..uh.. shit…MANY years ago? And that i love Vermont.
So if thats not a jumble of thoughts than i dont know what is.
I’m leeaaaving on a jet plane! i don’t know when i’ll be back again,
Back to the grindstone. Eatting whoopie pies, it’s a hard life ya know?