I have to admit I am probably not the world’s best friend. I don’t really have a “best”friend anymore and i think I am ok with that. I’m alone more times than not and don’t do a whole lot to remedy the situation either. So all my complaining is for naught. Oh well. If it really starts to bother me I will extend myself further out into the world. Which i have been quasi attempting to do by emailing more people and being more vocal in the studio. Except for a few people it seems I just give and give and receive nothing in return except silence. Wearing your heart on your sleeve is proving to be painful.
It would be really nice to find a group of people where i fit in, and don’t feel like i am faking who i am or covering up personality to be cool. I’m a dork, i suck at video games but i try any way. I’m a people pleaser. Is it just easier to be who your not and fake your way through life? Where is my self confidence, where is my ability to go up to someone i know and say hi and make friends without worrying about bothering them? Even in the blogging world i feel like a phony and some fake person that no one ever wants to hear. When to make the first move? I think 2010 will be the year i crawl out of my shell and finally become myself atleast by 2012…the worlds supposed to implode then anyways right? I’ve got nothing to loose!