The past. 153.

To me my past feels like one big pity party. It was lets be honest a really shitty childhood spotted with moments of fun memories till my parents got divorced. I lived in fear of my father and rightly so. My brother was obviously the favored, the chosen son, the perfect boy and me the daughter with glasses who was terribly shy. He wasn’t kind to me to say the least. I keep telling myself to move on but he’s never apologized for what he did, yelling at me, hurting me, hurting my mother. It made me who i am today in a lot of ways good and bad. But it will never be what defines me as a person.

Now that i am having a baby I worry about these things, how will it inform who i am as a parent. I know what not to do now. I know when to take a break and let myself be angry some where else. I know better.

Baby Bear is going to be very loved no matter what.

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