I always come up with awe inspiring plans or silly things to dream about. But this one I want to stick. I want to move to Australia.
It’s a wonderful country, it’s beautiful. It has the best of both worlds, mountains, oceans…sigh! just beautiful. I would like to give it a try living there for a few years and if it works out stay as long as i can. Being away from family would be tough on the holidays.
First things first would be getting a passport for me and baby bear. *117 days by the way*
What part of australia? What kind of visa would i get? HOW would i support myself whilst i am there? Would baby bear have an australian accent? I’m one of those lame posers who picks up an accent quickly. Yeah don’t go there. I won’t.
I want baby bear to see the world. I haven’t even seen it and i think this would be a grand adventure. I have no idea where my life is going. Thats the beauty of it. You don’t have to know. Just rolling with the punches and making things work. I think i have learned that living with certain “ingrained” expectations that are set by society to go to school, become established, get married and only then procreate. I understand all these things. and why. But they are not for me. They are not things that i have obviously come to appreciate yet or need. Yes having a steady job and not working as hard in some cushy enviornment is a bonus, obviously. What’s your reasoning behind this Claire? Being able to support yourself and your child dumbass. The plan…oh yeah a plan! plans always work out PRECISELY like they should right? RIGHT? hah funny. Back to my point though. I will have a BFA by the time i move to Australia. I will have to work for every paycheck till i figure out what i am going to do. Oh yeah a job. YEeeeeep one of those. I havent worked in a while. I’ve been spoiled by 98,000$ dollars of debt! yeah so spoilt. Barely paying my bills, living in a crappy apartment and only doing the school thing.
So why not move to a small affordable shack bungalow? why. not.
i’m ready for some big world livin, in the sun away from pine trees.
Thats how many days i’ve been procreating. Wow. Thats still 171 days to go. Which still feels like a lot. But if 109 days have gone by so fast than 171 will be the blink of an eye.
There hasn’t been much down time as of lately. Building cabinets, writing bullshit stupid pointless papers about things i learned nothing of *cough* history of architecture *cough* If a teacher who had any experience in the subject taught and taught it properly maybe i couldve learned something or actually wanted to learn something. Catching up on writing, Making a presentation of my work and source images.
All of which has been causing or creating heart palpitations. or something. I’ve been feeling a weird flutter. But after some googling it’s apparently not unusual at all. I just blame the presentation. Its easier to get out of that way. So someone can finally understand the uncomfortable panic it brings. Silent panic that keeps me up at night stealing away the precious sleep i do get now between being slept on my fatty mcfatfat and having to pee and a zillion other things. I am extremely fortunate otherwise to be so “symptom” free so far. The first couple weeks were rough, fatigue and gagging. Sometimes i catch myself now, completely forgetting there is a bun in my oven. When i bend over i feel it thought, a weird knot almost. Still no flutters yet. Maybe one, but it’s probably just gas. Which you know is the awesome. Farting all the time. YEP! AWESOME! but wait i always did that before only these have more of an OOMPF to them.
of a surprise! With awesome news! I’m procreating. The bun is in the oven, my oven to be precise, located in the chateau de uterus, just south of other important body parts but north of my cooter. It’s a warm and well to be completely honest…moist space. While the vacancy sign was not posted, the new tenant so blatantly ignored it and walked or..however it moves into it’s room for the next however long it’s going to be gestating inside…of..holy shit.. ME. It’s so unreal and unbelievable. I feel incredibly lucky that this has happened as i read too many infertility blogs to begin with so i am reminded of how fortunate i am despite the circumstances. Yet, if this had not worked out i am tired of people thinking that they have an opinion over everyone uterus-es since theirs are not working the way they should be. Oh did i mention i’m hormonal? and crabby and overly opinionated?
It’s a complicated situation and being in my “last” year of college. I’m slowly and surely getting more excited at first it was a lot of guilt, and fear, mostly fear. Or maybe it’s anxiety I’m not sure. Either way i am already scanning craigslist (which i fondly call craigslust, since it’s easy to lust after things and wait around for emails from people to tell you it’s sold already) and planning and making a registry. But mostly it’s all about trying to keep my proverbial shit together, things are so shaky
The coolest part is that Lauren and I are due on the same day, first it was May 17 and now it’s May 20, arbitrary just a few days off but STILL. She is on the other side of the YOU-NIGHTED-STATES. Cosmic.
I’m going to post about H1N1 later tonight. be ready. It will be epic.