Tag Archives: Baby


Which would be about 23 weeks to the day! I must definitely be the most impatient person on the planet. Srsly. There’s no denying this. I was not born a patient baby (or maybe…i was two weeks late) nor child nor tween, teen or adult. It’s my major sore spot. I work on this, occasionally. A lot of this impatience is fueled by food issues. Hunger and blow blood sugar make me terribly impatient.This time i am forced to be patient. So far it’s been paying off, 23 weeks out of 40. I’m still barely showing, it makes me wonder, i guess i have a large abdomen since he still seems to have a lot of space to grow. 17 weeks to go and reality will hit home. In the form of a cell turned fetus turned baybay.

I’m sure once baby bear is here it will be a completely different story and all those things i constantly hear from other people. I believe them all and am grateful for their opinions and how it helps me form my own.  THAT BEING SAID however.

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Trapeze Swinger

This song always brings me to tears and i have a huge grin on my face.

Iron and Wine

Trapeze Swinger

Please, remember me
By the rosebush laughing
With bruises on my chin
The time when
We counted every black car passing
Your house beneath the hill
And up until
Someone caught us in the kitchen
With maps, a mountain range,
A piggy bank
A vision too removed to mention

Please, remember me
I heard from someone you’re still pretty
And then
They went on to say
That the pearly gates
Had some eloquent graffiti
Like ‘We’ll meet again’
And ‘Fuck the man’
And ‘Tell my mother not to worry’
And angels with their gray
Were always done in such a hurry

Please, remember me
At Halloween
Making fools of all the neighbors
Our faces painted white
By midnight
We’d forgotten one another
And when the morning came
I was ashamed
Only now it seems so silly
That season left the world
And then returned
And now you’re lit up by the city

Please, remember me
In the window of the tallest tower call
Then pass us by
But much too high
To see the empty road at happy hour
Leave and resonate
Just like the gates
Around the holy kingdom
With words like ‘Lost and Found’ and ‘Don’t Look Down’
And ‘Someone Save Temptation’

Please, remember me
As in the dream
We had as rug-burned babies
Among the fallen trees
And fast asleep
Aside the lions and the ladies
That called you what you like
And even might
Give a gift for your behavior
A fleeting chance to see
A trapeze
Swing as high as any savior

Please, remember me
My misery
And how it lost me all I wanted
Those dogs that love the rain
And chasing trains
The colored birds above there running
In circles round the well
And where it spells
On the wall behind St. Peter’s
So bright with cinder gray
And spray paint
‘Who the hell can see forever?’

Please, remember me
In the car behind the carnival
My hand between your knees
You turn from me
And said ‘The trapeze act was wonderful
But never meant to last’
The clown that passed
Saw me just come up with anger
When it filled with circus dogs
The parking lot
Had an element of danger

Please, remember me
And all my uphill clawing
My dear
But if i make
The pearly gates
Do my best to make a drawing
Of G-d and Lucifer
A boy and girl
An angel kissin on a sinner
A monkey and a man
A marching band
All around the frightened trapeze swingers


116. part two

I’ve been doing more research into play yards and looking at which ones are the most “stylish” i suppose. No frills, nothing that is over the top and huge. Again i won’t be investing in any Graco products. It’s just something i’m against. They are rather ugly and feel very plastic. The one i’ve fallen in love with that has gender neutral colors and is very functional is the chicco play yard. Their car seat has also gotten some of the best safety reviews. I would push aside whatever brand name i don’t like if it was the safest seat on the market. As i am not rich by any means i will have to hunt down most of these items as second hand items. Besides the car seat that i will not buy used from someone i do not know. It’s just a bugaboo i have. It’s a tough market for used things of this caliber. Chicco items probably go really quickly. So i check a few websites every day. Craigslist and Freepeats.

Chicco play yard

This is way more functional and a lot less obnoxious than…this…see below. Which looks like granny threw up on it. BLECH. And the cup holders are funny. Yep gonna stash my beer there while i change my kids diaper. Maybe for lotion i guess? It just looks over the top and ridiculous and HUGE to lug around. Gonna stick with the more simple looking play yard. k thanks.


16 weeks and 4 days to be precise.

I got my final crit out of the way and it went surprisingly well. I learned a lot and am actually excited to learn more for my senior thesis next semester. That is if everything goes well with baby bear incubating in che uterus. I’m not charging him rent yet but there is a penalty for each late day. Jussayin.

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In which I inform you

of a  surprise! With awesome news! I’m procreating. The bun is in the oven, my oven to be precise, located in the chateau de uterus, just south of other important body parts but north of my cooter. It’s a warm and well to be completely honest…moist space. While the vacancy sign was not posted, the new tenant so blatantly ignored it and walked or..however it moves into it’s room for the next however long it’s going to be gestating inside…of..holy shit.. ME. It’s so unreal and unbelievable. I feel incredibly lucky that this has happened as i read too many infertility blogs to begin with so i am reminded of how fortunate i am despite the circumstances. Yet, if this had not worked out i am tired of people thinking that they have an opinion over everyone uterus-es since theirs are not working the way they should be. Oh did i mention i’m hormonal? and crabby and overly opinionated?

It’s a complicated situation and being in my “last” year of college. I’m slowly and surely getting more excited at first it was a lot of guilt, and fear, mostly fear. Or maybe it’s anxiety I’m not sure. Either way i am already scanning craigslist (which i fondly call craigslust, since it’s easy to lust after things and wait around for emails from people to tell you it’s sold already) and planning and making a registry. But mostly it’s all about trying to keep my proverbial shit together, things are so shaky

The coolest part is that Lauren and I are due on the same day, first it was May 17 and now it’s May 20, arbitrary just a few days off but STILL. She is on the other side of the YOU-NIGHTED-STATES. Cosmic.

I’m going to post about H1N1 later tonight. be ready. It will be epic.