Which would be about 23 weeks to the day! I must definitely be the most impatient person on the planet. Srsly. There’s no denying this. I was not born a patient baby (or maybe…i was two weeks late) nor child nor tween, teen or adult. It’s my major sore spot. I work on this, occasionally. A lot of this impatience is fueled by food issues. Hunger and blow blood sugar make me terribly impatient.This time i am forced to be patient. So far it’s been paying off, 23 weeks out of 40. I’m still barely showing, it makes me wonder, i guess i have a large abdomen since he still seems to have a lot of space to grow. 17 weeks to go and reality will hit home. In the form of a cell turned fetus turned baybay.
I’m sure once baby bear is here it will be a completely different story and all those things i constantly hear from other people. I believe them all and am grateful for their opinions and how it helps me form my own. THAT BEING SAID however.
Thats how many days i’ve been procreating. Wow. Thats still 171 days to go. Which still feels like a lot. But if 109 days have gone by so fast than 171 will be the blink of an eye.
There hasn’t been much down time as of lately. Building cabinets, writing bullshit stupid pointless papers about things i learned nothing of *cough* history of architecture *cough* If a teacher who had any experience in the subject taught and taught it properly maybe i couldve learned something or actually wanted to learn something. Catching up on writing, Making a presentation of my work and source images.
All of which has been causing or creating heart palpitations. or something. I’ve been feeling a weird flutter. But after some googling it’s apparently not unusual at all. I just blame the presentation. Its easier to get out of that way. So someone can finally understand the uncomfortable panic it brings. Silent panic that keeps me up at night stealing away the precious sleep i do get now between being slept on my fatty mcfatfat and having to pee and a zillion other things. I am extremely fortunate otherwise to be so “symptom” free so far. The first couple weeks were rough, fatigue and gagging. Sometimes i catch myself now, completely forgetting there is a bun in my oven. When i bend over i feel it thought, a weird knot almost. Still no flutters yet. Maybe one, but it’s probably just gas. Which you know is the awesome. Farting all the time. YEP! AWESOME! but wait i always did that before only these have more of an OOMPF to them.
of a surprise! With awesome news! I’m procreating. The bun is in the oven, my oven to be precise, located in the chateau de uterus, just south of other important body parts but north of my cooter. It’s a warm and well to be completely honest…moist space. While the vacancy sign was not posted, the new tenant so blatantly ignored it and walked or..however it moves into it’s room for the next however long it’s going to be gestating inside…of..holy shit.. ME. It’s so unreal and unbelievable. I feel incredibly lucky that this has happened as i read too many infertility blogs to begin with so i am reminded of how fortunate i am despite the circumstances. Yet, if this had not worked out i am tired of people thinking that they have an opinion over everyone uterus-es since theirs are not working the way they should be. Oh did i mention i’m hormonal? and crabby and overly opinionated?
It’s a complicated situation and being in my “last” year of college. I’m slowly and surely getting more excited at first it was a lot of guilt, and fear, mostly fear. Or maybe it’s anxiety I’m not sure. Either way i am already scanning craigslist (which i fondly call craigslust, since it’s easy to lust after things and wait around for emails from people to tell you it’s sold already) and planning and making a registry. But mostly it’s all about trying to keep my proverbial shit together, things are so shaky
The coolest part is that Lauren and I are due on the same day, first it was May 17 and now it’s May 20, arbitrary just a few days off but STILL. She is on the other side of the YOU-NIGHTED-STATES. Cosmic.
I’m going to post about H1N1 later tonight. be ready. It will be epic.